I'm eating all of the evidence.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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