Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
