does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
