i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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