fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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