Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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