Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
