Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
