I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
