I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
