If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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