on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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