I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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