I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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