you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
