well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am naked and annoyed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
