Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
