I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
