I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
