oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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