i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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