apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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