There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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