he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
