Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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