I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
