My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The air was thick with penises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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