Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
