hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
