I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
