Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
