if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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