i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
