You just made me feel so damn special
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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