wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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