His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
