Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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