Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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