Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
