There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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