Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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