I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
