I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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