I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She announced her abortion via fbk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
