When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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