please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so that wasnt chicken after all
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
