i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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