You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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