my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
