I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
