i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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