I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
