her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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