Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There r osticjed everywhere
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
